The Gerrymander Corn Maze: Where Democracy Goes to Get Lost

Indiana is famous for a few things: tenderloins bigger than your head, basketball hoops nailed to every barn, and, unfortunately, political districts drawn by people who apparently got their maps from a corn maze after one too many lemon shake-ups at the State Fair.

Let’s be clear: gerrymandering is the Hoosier version of a “fixer-upper” house — politicians swear it’s charming, but in reality, it’s crooked, full of holes, and guaranteed to collapse on the people living inside.

Here’s how it works: instead of voters choosing their politicians, politicians choose their voters. Think about that. That’s like the Pacers getting to pick the referees and write the rulebook. And somehow, we’re supposed to act surprised when the other team doesn’t stand a chance.

Some of Indiana’s district maps look less like logical boundaries and more like someone sneezed while holding a red Sharpie. One district winds around like it’s chasing a loose raccoon. Another splits neighborhoods just enough to make sure certain voices never get heard. It’s democracy by Etch A Sketch — and every time the politicians don’t like the outcome, they just shake it up and redraw.

The kicker? Both parties are guilty nationwide. Gerrymandering isn’t red or blue — it’s a bipartisan art form in screwing over the average voter. And Hoosiers are the ones left wandering around wondering, “Wait, am I in District 4, 7, or the Twilight Zone?”

So what’s the result? Safe seats, zero accountability, and lawmakers who campaign less than a gas station hot dog rotates. Gerrymandering doesn’t just rig elections — it rigs democracy.

It’s time we bulldoze the corn maze and demand independent redistricting. Voters should pick their politicians, not the other way around. Because right now, Indiana’s political map isn’t just unfair — it’s an embarrassment.

After all, if we can trust a random teenager to fairly judge a 4-H pie contest, we can surely find a fair way to draw lines on a map.